Clitoral Orgasms are only one of the over 11 different kinds of female orgasm.
They also tend to be the most easily accessible type of orgasm, for a large percentage of cis-gender women.
That being said- many women complain that this type of orgasm often feels very “shallow”, and does not leave them with a feeling of deep joy, pleasure, and satisfaction.
There are a number of reasons for this, all of which point to the inherently Holistic nature of human sexuality.
Understanding the way the body, mind, and heart all work together to facilitate pleasure, is crucial to making the most of your sexual experience- regardless of who it’s with and how many people are included.
These 7 Keys are designed to help you maximize your potential for great clitoral orgasms.
Please use them with yourself AND your partner (when you have one).
#1. Prepare your body and environment.
Often times our self pleasure (or sex) can look like rolling over, grabbing a vibrator, and buzzing on high speed for 10 minutes.
All while clenching your teeth and holding your breath, until the sharp-peaked explosion at the end, which we associate with clitoral orgasm.
But that is such a small fraction of your potential for pleasure!
By slowing down and taking time to prepare your body (and environment) for pleasure, you are literally “priming the pump” for sexual ecstasy.
In Naomi Wolf’s book “Vagina”, she shares that studies done in laboratories demonstrated that when women were in rooms with low lighting and “ambience”, it facilitated greater pleasure and orgasmic sensations.
That is because this type of environment helps a women’s autonomic nervous system relax and feel safe, which allows her to relax mentally and emotionally, which further relaxes the nervous system- facilitating the body’s natural sexual arousal process.
A few suggestions for preparing your body and environment for pleasure:
*take a candle lit bath
*play soft and soothing music
*make sure your room is clean and “nice”
*decorate- use flowers, candles, sexy lighting, blankets and pillows
*massage your body with oil or lotion
#2- Preparing the mind.
Most of us spend 90% of our waking lives lost in the incessant chatter of our minds’.
So is it realistic to expect that the moment you touch your genitals, you will be 100%, absolutely present to the moment, and all that it has to offer?
Being present is something that takes practice, but- it doesn’t have to take a lot of time.
Studies have shown that as few as 10 deep breaths can be beneficial for relaxing the nervous system and helping you feel more “present’ and connected to your body.
For this purpose, I recommend a minimum of 21 deep breaths, with conscious relaxation techniques.
This exercise can be done sitting up or lying flat on your back.
*With each inhale, breath consciously into first your belly, then your pelvic floor, and then your genitals.
*With each exhale, invite more and more of your body to relax, release, and let go. Starting with your belly, then your pelvic floor, then your actual genitals, and then the whole body.
Continue this for 21 breaths, and then make note of how you feel in your body.
#3- Warm up.
Now that you are present in your body again, continue to activate your sexual CHI with some sensual massage.
For this, simply add some organic non-toxic lube or coconut oil to the palms of your hands, and gently massage, stroke and caress your genitals, inner and outer thighs, breasts, belly, underarms, neck- all of those lovely places you would love someone else to touch you- give that to yourself.
Massage stimulates blood flow and circulation, helping your internal clitoris and erectile tissue to engorge, giving you a nice big internal erection!
Once your motor is turned on, you can use the self stroking techniques I outline for you here.
The single most important factor in expanding your capacity for pleasure, is your breath.
Breath is LIFE energy. It is life energy moving through you.
Likewise, orgasm is an expansion of energy MOVING through your energy channels.
This expansive energy is carried throughout the physical and energy body, through your breath.
And when you stop breathing, you stop that movement.
Holding your breath and tensing your body is useful for building a charge to facilitate the short, shallow, “sneeze” orgasms most people are having.
But to access your FULL orgasmic potential you must expand your capacity for pleasure, by relaxing into and riding the current of your breath.
#5. Rock Your Pelvis.
At the base of your spine and the “top” of your posterior pelvis, is your sacrum.
Your sacrum has a “pump”, which physically circulates cerebrospinal fluid throughout the spinal column, and energetically circulates sexual energy up the spine and into the brain.
To use this sacral pump to enhance your orgasm:
* Allow yourself to build a pleasurable charge of about 4 0r 5 on a scale from 1-10 (10 being orgasm).
* Then, continue stroking your clitoris while your rock your pelvis up and down (forward and backward).
Basically you are humping the air. Go with the pleasure and move at whatever speed feels yummiest for you.
You can also sync the movement to your breath. Inhale as your curl the pelvis forward, exhale as you let it relax back down.
#6. Include your Vagina!
90% of the clitoris is internal, and this inside portion can be stimulated through the vaginal walls.
The part we are generally stimulating is just the tiniest tip of the iceberg. Granted it is often the most sensitive tip, containing over 8000 nerve ending, but still- it’s only one small part of your entire pleasure organ.
Combining external clitoral stimulation with internal vaginal/clitoral stimulation will greatly expand your clitoral orgasms, simply because you are using MORE of the actual clitoris. Heck yeah!
#7. Focus on pleasure.
And please, please, please STOP focusing on having an orgasm as quickly and quietly as you can!
Please stop making genital climax your goal, and start making PLEASURE your goal.
Orgasm is the body’s natural response to what….?
So you kind of need to stay focused on that to get to the “end” result of orgasm.
Explore your capacity for pleasure.
Find out how much pleasure you can generate in your body.
How much pleasure can you hold in your body?
Where do you feel it most?
Does it move around?
What happens when you breathe into it?
What happens when you rock your pelvis a bit?
Find out. Explore.
Your sexual pleasure is YOUR “toy” to play with. Take it out of the closet and use it!
Learn to use pleasure as medicine to awaken the body, heal the heart, and transform consciousness!
Listen to Intimacy Expert, Jennifer Elizabeth Masters and Sex Therapist, Gina Ogden answer a listener’s question about having better clitoral orgasms during oral sex.