* Please note ~ this article is not meant to shame, judge, or criminalize individuals who enjoy a healthy relationship with “Pornography”, Erotica, Kink, BDSM, or any other type of sexual expression that enhances and enriches your life.
This article is directed towards those who are struggling with an addiction that is impeding their ability to connect intimately with loved ones.
Unfortunately, there are no definitive statistics regarding the number of men and women suffering from Porn addiction, and most information regarding porn addiction is mixed with morality judgements regarding the ethics of Porn usage in general.
But there is no denying that for a large number of men and women in North America, Porn addiction has become a growing problem, causing issues such as; erectile dysfunction in men, inability to orgasm, emotional disconnection between partners. Not to mention the really bad sex education, and proclivity for sexual violence, instilled by excessive porn consumption. (88% of scenes in porn films include scenes of sexual violence towards women.)
Most people agree that media, in all of it’s myriad forms, influences the way we think, act, and feel about ourselves, and each other. Please keep in mind that at it’s core, Pornography is simply another form of media, one which sends clear messages to the viewers regarding what “appropriate” or “enjoyable” sexual behavior looks like.
The absolute BEST testament to the subtle, subconscious effects of excessive Porn consumption that I have ever seen, can be found in the movie “Don Jon”. This movie draws a clear parallel between Porn and Media in general, and points out the impact that regular porn consumption has on men’s sexual attitudes towards women, effectively demonstrating the difference between “objectification sex” and true, sexual connection.
Addiction in any from brings with it feelings of shame, betrayal, loss and despair, which are further compounded when the source of the addiction is also sexual in nature. I have worked with many men who have suffered from the negative effects of Porn addiction, and they have seen great improvement in their condition, when reintroduced to sexual pleasure as a sacred practice.
In my recent radio interview, I speak with addiction recovery specialist, Billi Caine, about how men and women can use Tantra and Pleasure as Medicine to heal the negative effects of Porn addiction.
Click here to tune in and find out:
* What the signs and symptoms of porn addiction actually are
* Some concrete ways to overcome porn addiction
* Why “sacred sex” can help heal porn addiction
* How and where to get help.
For more information on Porn Addiction Recovery, please visit Billi Caine
To learn more about Porn addiction and how to cope, please listen to the following shows:
Is Porn Addiction Real? – Conversation with NoFap Founder, Alex Rhodes
Porn Stripped Bare – Conversation with Billi Caine
I’m really interested in the ways tantra can help me overcome extreme shyness, sexual shame and porn addiction. I clicked the “tune in and find out” link, but came up to a dead end. Could you link me to some material of yours that addresses this in more detail? Thanks, Steve
Hello Steve. I believe we replied by email. Please let me know if you still need those links. Thank you!
how hypocritical * Please note ~ this article is not meant to shame, judge, or criminalize individuals who enjoy a healthy relationship with “Pornography”, Erotica, Kink, BDSM, or any other type of sexual expression that enhances and enriches your life.HOW can one have a healthy relationship with pornography that is totally gearing more to showing degradation, racism, violence, rape, depicting child like actors, incest, infidelity,misogyny, and porn fuels the supply and demand of the sex trade and it is available to everyone including the mentally ill, rapist, pedophiles, and children, It is void of intimacy and passion. Porn rewires the brain pleasure centers, and conditions ones brain what may start off as viewing vanilla porn can eventually lead to more hardcore porn just like a drug one can totally find themselves totally becoming obsessed with the conditioning of the superficial facade world of porn to obtain and continue pleasure, causing their life to dissolve from their jobs, relationships, family, and has shown it causes one to sexually objectify, depression, guilt, shame, and isolation.
“HOW can one have a healthy relationship with pornography that is totally gearing more to showing degradation, racism, violence, rape, depicting child like actors, incest, infidelity,misogyny.”
I did not say that what you are describing above is healthy. There are many people, myself included, who have what I consider to be a “healthy” relationship with and to pornography. My definition of healthy is- “causing no harm to myself and others”. What you are describing above sounds like causing harm. Engaging in consensual kink, consensual BDSM, consensual play is healthy in my opinion, primarily because it IS consensual. It is not for me to judge what is medicine for other people. I may have opinions about it, thik and talk about why it wouldn’t be healthy for ME- but perhaps being tied up, gagged and spanked is the perfect medicine for those 2 (or more) people who have agreed to do it. I agree that excessive/frequent Porn usage and the subsequent escalation to extremely violent expressions in some types of porn is deeply problematic. That being said, not EVERYONE who watches and uses porn is addicted to it, nor is EVERYONE prone to becoming addicted, as you seem to indicate above. I encourage you to explore the work of Gabor Mate who suggests that the root cause of addiction (of any kind) is “attachment trauma”. I believe our culture is deeply and profoundly traumatized due to the disconnection of sexuality from spirituality, and the disconnection of our HUMANITY from our spirituality. The types of sexual interactions that we see displayed in many types of porn is a very clear expression of this trauma and disconnection. Please note I said- MANY types of porn. I have colleagues and associates who ARE consensual sex workers and consensual porn actors. They LOVE their work. They are empowered through their work. They may be in the minority. They may be a very few out of many. I don’t know. But I do know that though I do not support most of the pornography that I see, I will not deny that there are some expressions of this type of erotica which are beautiful, and which, though they may not demonstrate deep love or soulful passion, DO demonstrate a sense of fun and playful connection that can be extra ordinarily beautiful, and even at times healing for those who watch it. Using sensual imagery to stimulate arousal is an ancient practice. They way many people seem to use it now is certainly out of balance and harmful, but that is nothing more than an expression of trauma. I believe that unresolved, unrecognized, unprocessed trauma is the root cause of ALL of the suffering we are seeing in the world today. Particularly sexual trauma. I wish you peace.